Have you ever actually paused, taken a moment, and thought about what kind of person you hope to marry? Do you realize the importance their values and morals will have on your life, and (God willing) your future children? God wants us to take these questions to Him. He wants to be apart of these details in our lives. But sometimes, we become so consumed by what the world has to offer us. In a world full of loneliness, it can be so blinding that we often cling to the right now as opposed to waiting for the not yet. I’ve been there. I get it.
I remember a time in my life thinking I didn’t want to hear another no from God, another no from Him saying the guy in front of me wasn’t the one. I was tired of the wait. The single years, the not so great men—I was sick of it all. When God would tell me no, I became discouraged. Rather than looking at it as one step closer to finding my spouse, I grew so impatient and frustrated, often wondering what was the point of it all. I got to the point where I started avoiding any and all silence with God. I distracted myself completely. I was convinced that if I took my cares to God, my wants that I thought were so obviously right for me, he wouldn’t give them to me. Obviously I was delusional, but I truly believed at the time He didn’t want me to be happy. One often hears that God wants the very best for us, but I didn’t believe it.
What did taking matters into my own hands look like? Yikes. It almost pains me to look back on. I used to dive head first into pretty much any guy that I thought was attractive and who would give me the attention I so badly craved. I didn’t even stop and question what he valued or what his morals were. I clung to men who, now looking back, really weren’t a good fit for me at all. I would date because that must mean that I had someone, which meant I must be doing something right.
I once dated a guy who literally described himself as a jerk. Actually, he used another word for it, but I’ll refrain from using that language. This guy called himself a jerk on one of our first dates, and I continued to date him for another month after. Ugh. Rather than seeing this red flag as a blessed gift from our God above telling me this man wasn’t meant for me, I allowed myself to settle for much less than I desired. Perhaps had I taken this situation to God in prayer, to sit in some silence and just talk to God, He would have made this clear to me. God was trying to protect my heart. He wanted someone better for His daughter, but I was too stubborn to realize it then.
We need silence. We need to hear what God is saying to us. We need to trust that what He has planned for us and our lives is the absolute best. Yes, this requires patience. And yes, there are going to be times of loneliness, but when isn’t there in this life? When don’t we have moments in our life where feel a bit lonely, inadequate, or we just have a bad day? I will tell you without a doubt that getting married and finding the love of your life does not fix these tough times. Marriage is a wonderful thing, and it brings me so much joy, but I still encounter bad moments from time to time, and I still realize that only God can truly fulfill me.
Take it from someone who has been there—the greatest thing you can do while waiting for your future spouse is to put down the control and step away from your own plans. Trust His timing. When we finally give up our own way, when we finally realize that God loves us so much and really does want good things for us, we’ll see just how much better His plans are than our own. But we have to be willing to let go, to give it to God and trust He knows best. When I finally did this, although it took a few knocks and fall downs, He brought me my husband in a way I never could have imagined. My husband is so much better and so much more than I ever could have dreamt of, and I give our Lord all of the glory. God knows us so much better than we know ourselves. His best is perfect. Trust Him.
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